My 30th birthday is coming up – on November 13th of this year. Birthdays are not really my thing so much, as I’ve been so focused for so long on my goals and the day-to-day responsibilities I’ve taken on, that they sort of seem superfluous – as do weddings. For that reason, I’ve never really done much to recognize either my birthday or those of the people I care about; I might take my husband to dinner or bake my kids a cake, but not much more than that. This week, I was teaching a big seminar and got so wrapped up in that that I forgot my mother’s 55th birthday. I felt – and still do feel – so bad, that I’m still plotting about how to make it up to her. (Suggestions are welcome.) The experience, though, made me think about my upcoming birthday, and wax philosophical about moving into the next dimension of development and growth – emotionally, mentally, physically and as a business woman. My next few postings will include my -thoughts on what I’ve learned and my forward-looking prospective on the Path ahead.

Lessons I’ve learned – Part I:

Dwelling in the realm of the possible, versus the probable, is the key to creating a life bigger than the mediocre, the average, or the expected. And, in my opinion, pure happiness and functional family life BOTH qualify as outside the ordinary. So, my pals who were lawyers and now have left the work world to stay home and raise their kiddies, but are blissfully happy, are living bigger lives, even if they won’t ever end up on Oprah.

Never – ever – go into business with someone without having negotiated the terms of your partnership, anticipated potential problems – and negotiated solutions in advance, and reduced your agreement to writing. PERIOD. And this applies to business relationships including actually starting a company, buying a house to live in with friends as joint tenants or tenants in common, doing investment deals with friends or family members, etc. I am not the sort of person who believes that you shouldn’t do business with friends and family; frankly, these are the people most likely to care about you and your interests, so it is a little bizarre to think that a stranger will treat you better than these folks. [Added Bonus of Doing Business With Friends/Family: You know these people better than you do strangers, so it makes sense if you know that your strengths complement their weaknesses and vice versa, to take advantage of this.] But do not spend a dime or begin such a venture without putting your entire agreement in writing; in my experience, the process of negotiating the agreement will flush out the big issues you will have with that partner (sometimes, even leading you to decide not to move forward with the project).

Do not allow people who are not functional or self-sufficient in their own lives to become major players in your life. This is not me saying that your friends and lovers must be fully actualized, Wayne Dyer types. I’m just saying that if someone has a major, MAJOR life problem – can’t keep a job, can’t keep a mate, big-time unresolved trust issues, tendency to sabotage relationships, etc. – you should think twice, or like FIVE TIMES before you allow them to take on a major role in your life. I have an issue with this, as I like to feel that people rely on me and see me as a resource, so I think in the past I have had a tendency to attract colleagues, friends, etc. who had some major thing going on. Likable people, for sure, but with some “fatal flaw.” How do you figure this out? Look at their past relationships – don’t assume that your relationship with them will be any different than the stream of relationships behind them. And usually, you will know within a week after you meet someone what their issue is, and whether it is preventing them from fully functioning in their own lives. LISTEN TO THAT.

That’s it for now. I remain,

VTY,
T